Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
