my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
