did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
