your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
