You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
