ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
