You smell like stripper and shame
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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