She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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