Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
