I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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