Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
