She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
