Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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