I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
