i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
