i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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