Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
