We won't sleep together?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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