i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
