We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
