She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
