it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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