Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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