he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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