Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
