Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
