thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
