He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
