i jhust puked up my retainher.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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