love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
