2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
