I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
