How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
