I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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