if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
