Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
