dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize