Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
