i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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