everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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