Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
