Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's rum buckets o'clock
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
