I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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