3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
