Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
