Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
