I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
