You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
