I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
