If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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