Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
