you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
