I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
