My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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