Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
