Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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