omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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