i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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