I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Someone came in the potted fern
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
