and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
