This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
