upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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