Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize