hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
People in love make me want to vomit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
