dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was like eating out sand paper
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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