Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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