capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
