True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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