He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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