She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize