If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
