I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
