There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
