I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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