you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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